Love, sex & dating apps – questions unanswered – Healthista

Date me tender, Tinder. In a world where love, sex and dating apps are intrinsically intertwined, how does one find their true love from their next fling?

‘The forever never after’. ‘Till swipe do us part’.

Can we really find a true ‘ever after’ or at least a ‘longer than night after’, in the era of tech savvy dating apps and its smoke and mirror avatar characters?

This is where ‘never judge a book by its cover’ truly applies. What are the chances of finding love online, through its maze of false led algorithms?

Thank you, NEXT – is this new way of love?

Have we all become desensitised to a point of no return? Or have we always been like this and the only reason we now notice, is because we have gone online by the millions, highlighting these flaky patterns of searching for the most comfortable bed to lie in?

Even a little prick in the coil of a mattress and we will quickly swap it over for the next available bed. It seems we no longer have patience or the ability to compromise, no thanks to an infinite access to choice, people, movies, food – the list goes on.

It seems we no longer have patience or the ability to compromise

With a current global market size of $4475.28 million, and 8,000 online dating sites globally, used by 323 million people worldwide, why is it that only 14 per cent actually marry someone they meet online? With only about 20 per cent of those looking for a serious relationship.

As the yearning for something real grows deeper within all us singles, how can we protect ourselves from getting blistered?

READ MORE: Does the perfect partner exist or should we compromise to find love?

How do we know who is swiping for love, swiping for lust or swiping because they’re bored?

Who is the true character that stands behind the screening process of their carefully curated image? And when will the endless parade of travelling through bodies, eventually lead us to the right match?

Without going in all guns blazing with the questions that actually matter, how can we save time and steer clear of the continuous rollercoaster of disappointment from those who aren’t actually looking for love on dating apps?

Perhaps we should just let it go and let the universe curate its perfect set up and lead us closer to the one we’re truly destined for.

Or perhaps we should push those boundaries on fate, dig deep and walk the long mile to cultivate the relationship of our dreams, by simply having patience and giving something a real chance of survival.

Temptations Galore

Let’s analyse this, there are many hurdles to jump in the modern world and even more in a bustling busy city.

When everything is up for grabs and a fast pace life keeps the revolving door wide open, we are surrounded by temptations at our finger tips, from dating apps to our socials, that overflow with faces and bodies of seductive influence, success – connecting with them (in theory) has never been easier.

We are over-stimulated by technology, by daily events, by the media; that we can often overlook happiness, even if it’s staring us right in the face. We don’t see it or maybe we just aren’t ready for it?

there are many hurdles to jump in the modern world and even more in a bustling busy city

We seek happiness on the outside, in faces and places, but it’s always been there, sitting within us all, waiting quietly and patiently for its moment.

To get to that point in our growth of happiness, we must acknowledge our wounds, our triggers and become a better version of ourselves, to enable us to better align with the best version of another.

Opening yourself up to a world with a new self-love perspective could be exciting, you never know who will fall into your radar, when you begin to emanate through a different frequency.

READ MORE: 5 best facials in London for glowing skin – an insider’s guide

Dating burn out

Sometimes having three virtual dating app video calls a week before you approve one candidate to go on a physical date with, is a job in itself.

The continuous scrolling and using all that brain power to vet the weeds from the diamonds can certainly be daunting and disheartening. But there will always be that one needle in the haystack that pricks you right.

*winkyfaceemoji* *aubergineemoji*

Don’t give-up

So, when we do find someone, what do we do in that first slip up? We run for the hills rather than working through it, ultimately we throw in the towel. Just. Like. That.

We give up at the first hurdle because life is too short and the choices – as I mentioned – are many. Too many. This is perhaps where we go wrong.

We give up at the first hurdle because life is too short

What if you could find a way to compromise, drop your ego and reframe the situation?

Of course I am by no means encouraging anyone to stay in the wrong relationships, that make you ache and suffer, but if you feel a deeper connection that is so rarely found, don’t be in a rush to let that go, before you give it the proper time to mould and develop.

READ MORE: Are you addicted to love?

What if you gave love a chance?

A healthy relationship is key to a happy life – well that’s what I believe anyhow.

Some of us have to go through a lot of therapy and spiritual practices to clear the debris from past traumas and childhood blocks, to enable us to exercise a fruitful, healthy relationship. Every human needs to have their disk drive cleared once in a while and therapy is most certainly the first step.

A healthy love is one that is nurturing, giving and abundant. It makes you feel safe and secure. There will always be compromises, but it takes two people with the will and the patience, to allow themselves to be vulnerable, open up to each other and work through the uncomfortable conversations and be brave enough to do so.

It is to truly be yourself without the fear of being rejected for showing your ‘warts and all’. This is possible and it is out there. Someone has to take the first brave step and lead both parties into a deeper relationship.

The right person will grab you at some point. I want you to promise me – and yourself – that you’ll take a chance, take the risk. The worst that can happen is, you will lose a person, that was never right for you in the first place.

Oh and from my experience it does not matter if you sleep with them on the first or the third date, if it’s right, they’re not going anywhere! Don’t let people tell what is and isn’t right when it comes to dating. You’ll be able to tell what is or isn’t working for you.

it may not be easy to make things work, but when it’s right, you’ll know

We all come with our routine manuals, we all come with traumas of past experiences, but all it takes is one person to make you forget all your past and wipe the slate clean.

A loving safe space is where you can grow and thrive through one another and with each other. There is nothing quite like the feeling of, when you finally have your companion by your side and you can put life and love into real, tangible practice.

Finding your love match is never easy, but as cheesy as the saying goes, it will be someone you least expect it to be.

They may not tick all the check boxes, and it may not be easy to make things work, but when it’s right, you’ll know.

When they bring you peace, you’ll know.

All those who came before and all the hurt will seem irrelevant. You will find a way to make it work against all odds, for the heart knows what it wants and what it needs.

HEALTHISTA’S ANSWER TO MENOPAUSE; MENOSTART: PRESS PLAY, NOT PAUSE.

The Healthista Menopause Pack is a fully comprehensive online video workshop, led by Dr Dawn Harper; affordable, accessible and covering all aspects of the menopause, for those who need it most.

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